; Phantoms and Monsters: Pulse of the Paranormal

Friday, October 24, 2014

The Nightmare Around Me

I received the following narrative recently:

Realizing that this is an incredibly taboo subject, I very much want to maintain as much anonymity as I can. My reason for telling it is simple: I've spoken to others who've been through a similar ordeal, and it is a horrifying thing to live with. I want them to know they're not alone.

It started when I was 13, and we moved back to the city where my father grew up. My family had been in the new house for only a few months when the first "dream" happened. The quotes around that word are because I immediately labelled it as that (I had to, for the sake of my own sanity), but if it was a dream, it wasn't like any I'd ever had before. I can describe the entity in detail, he looked like a normal human man, but whether he was exactly that or not I can only guess. Others who encountered him later have sworn he was non-human, the word most often used to describe him, particularly by those sensitive to spirits and spirit attachments, was "malignant." Easily the most accurate descriptor.

Stating very clearly: This was not an episode of sleep paralysis, I've had a few of those in my life and they are completely different. I do not suffer from any form of epilepsy (a doctor once suggested this was a frontal lobe disorder but testing ruled that out), and my family was open, liberal, loving, and non-religious, which rules out repression, which was the cause a psychiatrist suggested and also could not prove.

Put simply, this entity raped me. The next morning, I felt bruised though there were no visible marks (that would not always be the case) and drained for 5-7 days. When I'd recovered, it happened again.

Almost overnight, I went from a normal, happy girl to a deeply depressed wreck, too tired to even leave my bed. The first night, a plaster cast "praying hands" statue I'd painted at vacation bible school fell off its shelf and was broken. This was my first hint that whatever was going on with me might not be entirely in my head.

Really, I'd rather it were. Mental illness can be treated, but the thought of a child being in a situation like that is simply terrifying, and it only got worse from there. I lived with these attacks for 14 years, never telling anyone the full details. In that time, others encountered this being, my stepmother saw him one night, my father had nightmares that I was in danger and he couldn't reach me, there were knocks on the walls, electrical problems everywhere I went (blown light bulbs were the most common), and objects, mostly religious ones or gifts from male friends, would vanish. The psychological impact on me was very much the same as for any survivor of abuse, multiplied by the stigma attached and the absolute impossibility of seeing any sort of justice done or even being protected from this thing.

As the years progressed, the attacks worsened. It was like the thing was learning over time how to affect its environment. People who stayed over to watch me would fall asleep and not stir until morning, or something would happen to keep them away. It seemed to know in advance when a plan was about to fall through, and "celebrate" with increased activity. None of that was location-based; it followed anywhere I went, even for sleepovers. This all ended only a few years ago when I turned to religion completely and was able to finally talk to someone in full about what was happening.

I still don't know who or what this entity was, though I at one point sought help from a medium who gave me a name (which I later verified as someone who did exist, born in the year and place mentioned) and told me that it was a "spirit attachment." There were a lot of things this entity seemed to know that I can't explain, languages I don't speak, details about countries I've never been to and time periods I am unfamiliar with, even the weather conditions on the night I was born. It was intelligent, but as far as I could ever tell, it had no sense of empathy, compassion, or any other human emotions. I still don't believe in demons, but I have a very hard time considering that thing as remotely human, either.

In the aftermath, I'm left with ongoing health issues (chronic fatigue, cause unknown) and constant anxiety. I have major issues with insomnia, nightmares when I do sleep, and PTSD that I can never have properly treated because there's simply no protocol for helping someone recover from something like this. This thing upended my entire life, stole nearly half of it, and I have no answers. At this point, I can only focus is on living as much of a normal life as I possibly can, and trying to have faith that I'm finally safe.

What plagues me most, though, is the fear that there might be others out there who are afraid to come forward. I see things like this made light of in fiction and on paranormal boards, I see it dismissed out of hand as "wish-fulfillment," which strikes me as a form of victim-blaming, really. I was 13 years old. I never played with Ouija boards or involved myself in games to "invite" anything in, I don't know why this happened, but it was not something I wanted. I'm keeping the tone of this email as un-emotional as possible for the sake of clarity, but the level of fear I still experience about it is overwhelming enough that it's taken me over a week to even write these words.

But if writing this leads to others hearing about it, if it means someone else might be taken seriously and helped, then it was worth it. Thank you for running this page, for accepting emails, and for reading this. Jenny

NOTE: There are instances where an attached entity can become malevolent and evil. The victims try to find a reason for the affliction, many times blaming themselves. It becomes a 24/7 nightmare. If this was a spirit of a past life, then no doubt they lived a greedy & dreadful existence. These entities are difficult to 'move along'...but, with commitment and trust by the victim, legitimate solace can be found. Lon

Freeing the Captives: The Emerging Therapy of Treating Spirit Attachment

Cut Cords of Attachment: Heal Yourself and Others with Energy Spirituality (Second Edition)

Spirit Medicine

Animal Spirit Guides: An Easy-to-Use Handbook for Identifying and Understanding Your Power Animals and Animal Spirit Helpers

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