Friday, August 16, 2013

Reader Submission: Dwarfs in Detroit


I received the following narrative this morning:

I would like to tell you about an experience that I and my friend went through recently in Detroit, Michigan on Saturday August 3, 2013. It was a typical Saturday night, my friend and me were hanging out around the neighborhood and not really doing much at all. We decided to walk over to Perrien Park and smoke some weed and just hang out, this was at about 9:30 pm.

We walked over and found a bench that was a bit out of the way and would provide us some privacy to let us smoke in peace. At about 11:00 p.m. we decided to leave the park when we heard some rustling in the trees behind us, followed by what sounded like laughter, tiny high pitched almost childlike laughter. We thought at first it was someone messing with us and stood up and yelled out “Cut it out jackasses, we’re not falling for it!” This was met with more laughter and more rustling from the trees.

Suddenly two small people jumped out of the tree and almost floated down to the ground in front of us. We jumped back when we saw these two small people, almost yelling from the sudden surprise that their sudden appearance had given us. These two small people, both looked male, could not have been any more than 4 feet tall, stocky and looked like they were wearing green three piece suits. They looked almost like they were wearing leprechaun costumes and carrying what looked like walking sticks. My friend later told me that they looked almost like Hornswoggle from the WWE, which I had to agree that they really did. They looked at us for about 5 seconds, no sound, and no movement. We were totally and completely freaked out and decided to get out of there as quickly as possible.

The moment we moved to start backing away, these two things jumped at us, covering the 6-7 feet between us in a single instant. They were on top of us, screaming loudly as they bit, scratched, and hit us with the sticks that they were carrying. They were screaming in such an inhuman way, it sounded like an animal in distress crossed with a feral human. They were ripping at our clothes, swinging at our heads with these sticks that they were carrying, all the while laughing and screaming at the top of their lungs. My friend and I were overpowered and all we could do was try to get away from these creatures and protect our heads from these sticks that they were swinging.

Almost as quickly as it started, it ended and they leaped off of us and bolted toward the trees and disappeared with nothing more than maniacal laughter. We got up and sprinted home as fast as we could go. We got home to my house and quickly shut the door and bolted it shut before we bothered to try to breathe easy and figure out what just happened to us.

Both my friend and I were both busted up pretty bad with a collection of scratches, scrapes, and welts to show for our encounter. We stayed in the rest of the night; we were hurting so much the next day that it was impossible for us to move without groaning in pain. We have never seen anything like these two creatures before and could not come up with an explanation as to what it was that attacked us that night. I decided to write in after researching about people reporting sightings of dwarfs, gnomes and what not. I didn't think we would be seeing something like this in the middle of Detroit, Michigan, but we did and we know what we saw.

We know that this sounds incredible and you might try to dismiss it as fantasy made up by two crazy men but we know that what we saw was real and what happened to us was definitely real. We have never spoken about it except amongst ourselves and I decided to write to you and share my story in hopes of finding an answer to what it was that happened to us. Name Withheld

NOTE: well...maybe it was just very good weed? I recall a story about a leprechaun sighting in a suburb of the Motor City. I'll have to go digging for anything beyond that. Anyway, Detroit does have a history of a 'malevolent dwarf' or Le Nain Rouge (The Red Dwarf):

Banishing 'Le Nain Rouge'

Detroit's got the blues. Some think the solution is to chase a red dwarf.

Call it silly fun in serious times — organizers wouldn't disagree — but some 2,000 revelers on Sunday are expected to march down Cass Avenue on Sunday to banish a supposedly evil spirit whose curse on Detroit continues.

The source of the scourge: Le Nain Rouge, aka "the red dwarf of Detroit."

Legend has it the malevolent mite vexed the city when it met Detroit founder Antoine Cadillac some 300 years ago. The French adventurer didn't take kindly to the dwarf and whacked him with a cane.

The sprite responded by casting bad juju on the city.

So for the third year in a row, party people will hit the streets to banish the little devil.

A marching band will lead the 1 p.m. parade from Traffic Jam & Snug on Second and Canfield to the Masonic Temple.

Some will wear costumes. Cocktails also may be involved.

"It should just be one of those days that's fun and frivolous," said Amy Kahel, 30, of Detroit, who will DJ an after party. "I love the message of banishing this evil that presides over Detroit."

Organizer Peter Van Dyke promised Le Nain will appear on stage during opening ceremonies.

"You have to show up to know exactly what is going on — I think it's better to be a bit surprised," Van Dyke said. "Come with the expectations of shenanigans. ... (The Nain) is the impetus of all the bad things that happen in Detroit from the fires of the 1800s to Kwame Kilpatrick and everything in between."

Not everyone is so eager to lift the curse. Supporters of the angry fellow have formed a group called "Friends of the Nain Rouge" that's at least a dozen-people strong.

The group jokingly contends that banishing the Nain would simply be another form of gentrification in a city that has lost a third of its residents in 10 years.

"At this point, why would we banish anyone from Detroit? We need people moving in, not out," said member Jim Griffioen, 35, of Detroit.

Nain Rouge

Detroit Ghosts

Detroit: An American Autopsy




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